Bark-at-the-Fridge Cold Brew

Perfect Cold Brew Coffee, every time. 100 % Arabica, dark French-roast, extra-coarse ground specifically for cold brew. Zero additives, nothing artificial — just pure, stupidly smooth chocolate-velvet caffeine that turns even the sleepiest wiener dog into a temporary rocket before the inevitable four-hour coma. Steep it overnight, wake the dachshund, love it forever.

After barking furiously at the fridge for an entire hour (because the cold brew pitcher dared to exist without sharing), this brave 12-pound security sausage launched himself onto the counter, sniffed the goods, stole one glorious slurp, and immediately passed out cold under three blankets with a tiny caffeine mustache. Twelve hours later he woke up, zoomed seventeen laps around the house at Mach 5, then face-planted back into the same blanket burrito to recover. True story.