Doxie’s Instant Zoomies Emergency Pouch - 30 Servings

Enter the resealable pouch of pure, unfiltered dachshund energy.

30 servings of premium instant coffee that dissolve faster than your doxie can steal a sock. Just add hot water (or milk, or cold water if you’re already late) and boom — instant rocket fuel with the smooth taste of a proper brew, no dusty regret.

Tasting notes (as interpreted by the vibrating sausage currently orbiting the kitchen):

• Dark chocolate adrenaline
• Caramel turbo charge
• A clean, no-bitterness finish that hits before the second bark

Medium-Dark Instant │ 30 on-the-go servings │ Resealable pouch of survival Perfect for:

• Humans who are permanently late because of a 12-pound alarm clock
• Emergency desk drawers
• Travel bags that also contain one very judgmental wiener
• Moments when “I need coffee or I will perish” is not hyperbole

When the clock says 5:03 a.m. and one low-riding dictator is already tap-dancing on your chest, barking at yesterday’s shadows, and demanding the immediate commencement of Morning Chaos Protocol… you don’t have time to grind beans. You need caffeine. Now. Yesterday. Stat.

Rip it open, pour, survive the zoomies. You’re welcome.

Instant energy. Instant forgiveness. Zero time for nonsense.